Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Body image survey

From Christi Nielsen. Who rules.

Name: Composite Creature

Age: 17

Height: 5'0"

Weight: 170

Do you consider yourself attractive? Sometimes

Do others consider you attractive? A few people.

What is your biggest insecurity and why? My arms and chin: I can deal with big legs, hips, butt, breasts (and find them attractive, actually), but I think fat arms look really bad. I also hate double chins. I think it doesn't look like me. I also have issues with my large breasts.

Have you/Would you consider using plastic surgery? Why or why not? I have considered it. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did it.

What is your relationship with make-up? I love it. Patriarchy be damned, it's fun; but I can and do live without it a lot.

How much money do you/think is reasonable to spend on your appearance? As little as possible.

What is your experience of dieting? I had a terribly warped body image as a child. It never struck me as how warped it was until I saw a picture of myself when I was a kid a few months ago: I remember that day, panicking about my huge stomach and thighs. I remember seeing my fat and being disgusted.

I looked at the picture recently, and nothing matched up. I saw a perfectly healthy nine-year-old. Not even close to fat. Stress eating balooned me up to where I am now, a good 40 or 50 pounds overweight ( a lot of it is muscle-I'm fucking hardcore, I am).

Have you/ anyone you know tried any specific diet programs i.e. Lighter Life? How did that affect your health? your moods? your relationships? I tried a metabolic thingy a while ago. I dropped weight very quickly, but also muscle mass. I was unhappy and stressed out, which led me to break my diet.

Do you have any experiences of eating disorders i.e. either yourself or someone you know? My warped body image. A dear childhood friend was anorexic and vomited a lot.

How did other people react to this; what was the fallout? Most people told her how great she looked. Her mother tried to make her eat, but she worked a lot and couldn't monitor her too closely. When she lived with me, I would try to make sure she ate healthily, but since I've lost touch with her, I hear she's relapsed.

Have you had negative experiences relating to your appearance and people’s reactions to it? Of course. I've had every single fat insult/fat joke thrown my way, from people I don't know to my immediate family, and everyone in between. I've been turned down from jobs where I was the better qualified candidate because they were looking for "stage presence" (singer's code for "you're good, but no one wants to look at you"). Nearly every store I go to will not stock my size in pants or shirts even though it's not even plus size.

What about positive reactions to your body? I have recieved "positive" comments, which are pretty much just people who find different body parts of mine fuck-worthy. Few have been really positive, but yes, several aesthete friends have complimented my body and proportions.

How has your body image and attitude changed over the years? I can't really stop caring, but I'm close. That's a good thing. I eat healthy and work out when I can, but I refuse to starve myself or sacrifice precious reading/writing/listening/fun time to working out when I have other things to do.

What do you love about your body? That it does what I need it to do, and looks pretty to me sometimes. I like my waist a lot.

What is your opinion on the media portrayal of women’s bodies? This would be too long. Way too long, so: it's fucked.

What would you change about the way you/ your friends/ your family/ general people see their bodies? I'd like them to throw traditional ideas about beauty into the metaphysical trash can, where they belong. Beauty can be big or small. Thick-waisted, wide-footed, hairy, shriveled, anything. Physical "beauty" doesn't mean anything.

What makes you feel beautiful? I'm ashamed to admit this, but when people I know call me beautiful. I can't really get over that.

Do you shave legs/pits/upper lip moustache? Yes, legs and pits. I hate it, but I still bend to that particular beauty standard against my will. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough not to.

1 comment:

Rocker said...

Composite Creature

With great sadness I must inform the readers of this blog the following news!

From a reliable source that knew Composite Creature reports that she was killed in a car accident outside of a popular night club near her home. She was killed instantly along with a friend of hers. Thus the reason for no further activity by Composite Creature on her blog page.

R.I.P. Composite Creature - We will never forget you!